Hello friends FTW!!!
There have been many LULZ over the last few days, let me tell you! My Twitter friend Bob Lolking has been sending me 'off-colour' jokes all day long and I have just been ROFLing like an insaneman. One of the many questions of comedy is 'what jokes are ok?' Having bin in 'da game' (blacktalk) for six weeks I feel I am now qualified to answer this.
1) Jokes about Eid are NOT COOL, jokes about Eds (ie 'the duck', 'Bagley Jr') are fine
2) Maddie McCann (PBUH) jokes are only OK if you do international irony face signal while telling it (this is when you make your face scrunched up like Jimmy 'Pigeon' Carr). Same applies with sexism.
3) Jokes about chavs are always OK. In fact, the more, the better. (Heres one of mine: "What do you call a chav in a children's TV show from 1990s? CHAVLEVISION!" boom!!!1!)
4) More middle class the better.
5) The sicker the joke, the better. (i.e. can you stick a couple of rapes in your set-up??/)
9th September
What happened today? I'm glad you've asked me this. Well, firstly I woke up and just 'pottered around' for a bit. LIVIN' THE DREAM! Good times FACT! Xx
Then I went shopping with Mother. I have to in order to get my spends now I'm not in university! Mother is such a character! Her favourite film is Dirty Dancings! WTF? It's not even foreign! She says it as an emotional resonance with her, but that can't be possible as it's not even been featured on world-famous bbc Culture Show! Have you ever seen it? Sometiems it has Elbow on it! :) :)
I was thinking a lot about global warming during the unnecessary car journey home from the shop. It really it awful. Almost as bad as reality TV, which is absolutely shockingly terribly bad. FACT! People are such ruddy bloody idiots! You know what my favourite reality show is? THE NEWS! Deal with it.
Today I made a list of all my favourite poems:
1) 'if' by Rudyard Cupping
2) Shakespeare
I really like poems, they're so wonderful.
I've been thinking a lot about my comedy career recently. I think I will become a revolutionary, like Hicks and shit? You know, before he said it, no-one had ever considered that political comedy was even possible! Take that George Bush (I hate him grrr). Watching Hicks, The Shaman, takes me right back to my A-level days last year. There I was, sat in AS Geography with Francis and Black Tony, and we discussed the philosophical Hicks for at least ten minutes, no lie!! HE DIED TOO SOON!!!
When I do my next 'set' I will be sure to stick it to the men. But is this sexist? Hot potato...
I've been thinking a lot about the next Batman film. How do you replace Heath 'The Ledge' Ledger? I did a screenwriting module at Uni last year so I've had a go.
BATMAN 3: THE DARK KNIGHT 2 by Mike
Int. Batcave
Batman is sat in the Batcave drinking some very tormented coffee. Everything is dark, except the bit of his face you can see (juxtaposition do you see?)
BATMAN:
I am a symbol!
Then The Joker walks in, but it is just in Batman's mind.
BATMAN:
Oh fucking hell!
JOKER:
HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
BATMAN:
You're a maniac. You laughing, laughing maniac!
JOKER:
Ah yes, but who is really the mad one?
BATMAN:
You are.
JOKER:
HAAHAHAHAHAHA!!
The Joker exeunt (Shakespeare ref.) Alfred walks in. He is so English.
ALFRED:
Apples and pears, Master Bruce! Was walkin' down the Old Kent Road, guv, and I fort to myself 'LET'S AVE A COCKNEY SING SONG!'
Alfred begins to sing 'I am a music man'
BATMAN:
I am a cymbal.
Robin enters the room,... or does he???
END OF SCENE 1.
When I grow up, I am going to direct all the films!
Mike xx
2nd September
What has been happening in my comedy life? Well today I got much lolz from this:
HAHAHA random???? (ye)
NEXT LOLZ:
I am doing a gig at my mate's shed for his 18th birthday. He is giving me £20, this makes me a comedian now! I can't believe it!
No he doesn't! ;)
Have you ever seen "Big Bro"? They are IDIOTS! It's worse than "X-Factor" which I also abhor! ABHOR. Ab(by Titmus) Hor (whore). Always in the comedy zone!! ;)
PAEEEDDDDDDDDDDOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSS!!!!!!!! (sorry, just wanted to get that out the way!)
Here are some pictures I have made of my favourite stars from the mad (and crazy!) world of 'Hollywood':
I love movies, me. I've seen them all! Who is the best actor of all time? ...
